SFWH Official Groupie: Alyssa Milano

By Rich Funk

Steve Finley Was Here is a relatively new website (especially when compared to big brother Thunder Matt's Saloon who has a big birthday coming up later this week). Sure, there are a lot of disadvantages to being so new...we don't have a whole lot of regular readers yet, we can't drive after 10 at night or without another licensed driver in the front seat, and old people are always telling us to turn our music down (*cough*BrantBrown*cough*). But one of the advantages we have is that we can throw around the "official" label like it's going out of style. And so it's my pleasure to unveil the first "official" anything for SFWH: The Official Groupie - Alyssa Milano.

What gives the lovely Ms. Milano Official Groupie status? Well we pride ourselves on the (inconsistent) coverage of all things West Coast baseball, and if it's one thing Alyssa knows, it's West Coast baseball. Milano has had high profile relationships with both Barry Zito and Brad Penny.

Normally one would think that dating someone as good looking and successful as Milano would be a good thing, but it seems to be something of a curse. Remember how good Zito used to be? In his 3 years prior to dating Milano, he was a combined 54-25. In the 2+ seasons since they broke up? 27-17, which doesn't seem that bad, but look at where Zito is right now (0-4, 4.50 ERA). That's the curse working.

And what about Brad Penny? If you look at his career, he's really only had 1 "bad" year. In 2005, he went just 7-9 and only made 29 starts. Who was Penny dating during that 2005 season? You guessed it! And now that they've broken up? All Penny's done is go 35-15 since dropping Milano like third-period French class.

But you couldn't really call it a "curse" and only cite 2 examples, right? Trust me, there's more...

Milano also dated "Hot" Carl Pavano in 2003. I don't think any further explanation on the last few years of Pavano's career are necessary. The last person Milano was linked to was the one and only Tom Glavine. Since then, Glavine posted his highest season ERA since 1988 and is now on the disabled list for the first time in his career.

But this monster doesn't stop there. Milano has a long and storied history of ruining whoever's career comes into her romantic path. Take a look at the following list of guys who have been romantically linked to Milano and the year it took place. Sure, they may have all had varying degrees of success, but can you name where any of them are now?

1985-86: Kirk Cameron (Growing Pains...then what?)
1986-87: Jason London (Dazed and Confused and Jobless)
1987-90: Corey Haim (No explanation needed)
1990-93: Scott Wolf (Party of Five years of unknown work)
2002-03: Fred Durst (He wakes up every morning, and he's still Fred Durst)

So there you go...if you're an actor or a professional athlete, stay away from Alyssa Milano. She will ruin you. Rumor has it that she's had multiple on again/off again relationships with Mark Prior, Mark Mulder, Juan Gonzalez, and the entire 2007 Oakland A's team.

If only she would have had some kind of romantic involvement with one Steve Finley...then we could truly say that "Steve Finley Was There".