The Giants Are Awful Part 3 OR Bochy To Zito: "Fuck Off"

By Rich Funk

Tired of having to spend an extra 6 hours after each Barry Zito home start cleaning up dried vomit from the stands, the cleaning crew at SBC/Pac Bell/AT&T Park in San Francisco finally got their wish: Barry Zito is headed to the bullpen.
"I'm certainly not happy with it, by any means," Zito said. "But this is the bed that I've made. I have to lay in it for the time being and I have to overcome. I trust management and I trust what their decisions are."
Now that's all well and good for the press, but to find out what Zito really thinks, we have to run that quote through the SFWH Official Athlete Translator. Here's what it came up with:
"I'd rather stay out of the bullpen because ladies won't sleep with relievers but I'm not really too mad at it because I sleep on a pile of cash bigger than your house."
This seems like good news for Giants fans, but bad news for the rest of us who really wanted to see Zito lose 20 games this year. But as I predicted before the season, Barry Zito has kept his ERA higher than the price of gas here in California all season, and it looks to stay that way. And considering Zito's ERA is 7.53, if gas ever gets that high, you won't read about it here because I'll be too poor to care about writing about the Giants.

Disgusted with his own pitching, Barry Zito tries to ram his fingers into his own brain through his nose.