An Open Letter to the Diamondbacks

By Governor X

Dear Diamondbacks,

Please go on a tear and win this shitty division already.

The Dodgers, for all intents and purposes, are dead, but you have thus far been unable to pull away and end our pathetic chances at a playoff berth. Every win here and there teases us with hope as we inch within a game or two of you for the division lead.

Deep down, I know better. This particular group of Dodgers players (I can't call them a "team") are not going anywhere, but when I look at the standings and see them a game or two back, my irrational fan side takes over and I have brief visions of Manny hitting homers for them in October.

This won't happen though. The Dodgers of 2008 are destined for mediocrity. If you don't shape up, we risk Colorado going on another winning streak and none of us want to see that again. We all remember how they embarassed the National League in the World Series last year.

So, I beg of you, just win 5 or 6 in a row and effectively put the Dodgers out of their misery. A sweep this weekend would be a good start.

Regards,
Governor Gray Davis

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Dodgers Pick Up a 4th 3rd Baseman

By Governor X

Dodgers' GM Ned Colletti suffers from the same pathology as those crazy cat ladies you read about, but in his case he hoards 3rd basemen and outfielders. While I was getting in touch with nature over the weekend, crazy cat hoarding Ned picked up Casey Blake from Cleveland. Clearly, the platoon of Nomar, Blake DeWitt, and Andy LaRoche can't get it done (honestly, they can't, but I doubt Casey Blake is the answer). LaRoche and DeWitt are back in the minors and Nomar was so upset over the news he may have injured himself again. More on that when the results of his MRI are made public.

Meanwhile, that NL West team that isn't poorly run, may be close to landing Mark Teixeira. If they pull that off, the rest of the division should just start scheduling those October tee times.

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